Worry Wart

Apologies for my blog writing delinquency. I know you are all hungry for updates but I’ve been trying to stay away from my computer lately because often when I sit in front of it, hours go by and I have no idea what I have been reading or looking at. Let’s just say it is not the ideal use of time and I’m sure you’ve all experienced this at some point. Anyhoo, I’ve been struggling with negativity, anxiety and fear these days. Tomorrow marks the two week countdown for my next scan and I’m pretty scared. I’ve been feeling weird pains in my pelvis that make me a big old worry wart. I’ve talked to my doc and nurses about it and they don’t think it’s anything to worry about but it’s SO HARD not to worry. It’s totally possible that what I feel is more tumor death/shrinkage or as the docs say just “treatment related” aches and pain that are normal. While progression isn’t likely based on how good my scans have been, it is not impossible so it’s hard not to obsess over it. I’m doing my best to manage my worries with Kundalini yoga and it has really helped me flip my negativity at moments. But when I feel the physical sensations in my pelvis, a lot of the effort flies right out the window into the cold New York air. Also, I’ve realized that I’ve definitely been researching cancer information way too much and that I need a break. Through my research, I’ve come to realize that the only way that my body will rid itself of cancer is through the immune system. Which is why I place a lot of hope in the new drugs out there like PD-1 and CD-47¬†which are designed to help the immune system identify the cancer cells and destroy them. I’d say that’s some integrative medicine right there!! But I’ve also decided that more specialized nutrition and chinese herbs are something I want to integrate with my healing regimen as they too can boost my body’s own defenses. Stress of course is a huge burden on the immune system so I’ve got to work on that too. I’m going to meet with this new acupuncturist/MD who specializes in herbs and nutrition next Saturday. Plus, she works in both LA and NY! Score! In my research I also found out about this woman Kelly Turner who offers Integrative Cancer Consulting but she is currently on maternity leave. She got her PhD at Berkeley in 2011 and wrote her dissertation on the Spontaneous Remission of Cancer and you can even download it and read the whole thing! I started reading it last night and was very inspired by importance of mind-body connection for healing.

But let me get away from all that because as I already said, I need a break from cancer-related information. Last night my friends Aurora and Sam came over and we made some amazing chili from the Crazy Sexy Kitchen cookbook. I added some seaweed I ordered to it too! Oh yeah, I ordered an obscene amount of seaweed from Maine because I read that it can help fight cancer (am I crazy?). And the night before, my mom and I went to some friends’ house who made lobster! So I’ve been eating well! Here’s a shot of the chili!

And you may have noticed in the first picture that I got some fancy new glasses from Warby Parker. They look a lot like the glasses my Dad wore when we were little.

Well, I suppose I will go read a book now. A book that has nothing to do with cancer! It should be like on Pee Wee’s Playhouse when someone says the secret word of the day and screams! Cancer! Ahhhhhhh!!! Hahaha. Oh yeah, on Tuesday my mom and I are going to Boston for the night so I can see the founder of Integrative Nutrition, Joshua Rosenthal, speak! He’s such an inspiring, comforting person so I can’t wait to see him in person. Well, I hope you are all warm and cozy out there! xoxo Lauren

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