Hello out there! So this weekend, I came upon a bit of a wall. A wall of fear. I think this is to be expected but I really haven’t been feeling scared since the early days of all of this. I think it’s mostly because of the imaging that I am getting on Thursday that will reveal concrete information on how my treatment is going. But also, I think I hadn’t fully faced or contemplated the scale of my diagnosis. Of course I’ve known what it is this whole time but if you stop to think about it, it sounds pretty darn scary. Stage IV. Metastatic. Yuck. Sorry if I overwhelmed you with those words. I was hesitant to share them but what the heck. I’ve got to overcome this fear somehow so maybe writing them down is helpful. Of course, I don’t want to dwell on the scary stuff but I think it’s a healthy thing for me process this stuff once in awhile. I don’t think I’ve been in denial but I have to keep it in perspective for future turns down this crazy road I’ve been set on.

After a full day of feeling really scared on Saturday, I was planning to write to my amazing and inspiring yoga teacher the next morning, Tej, for advice and prayers. And lo and behold, I woke up with an email from her asking how I was doing! I asked if her class would pray for me again and gave her an update on my situation. She also gave me a meditation to do for self-hypnosis where you breath in and send the energy to heal specific parts of your body. But I have a favor to ask all of you, will you please send me some “Care Bear Stares” that my imaging comes back with positive results? See below for animated gif demonstration:

Lastly, I was at Fire Island this weekend and I went on a bike ride with Lisa and found this amazing vintage puzzle that someone was getting rid of.

I don’t know what it is about the image but I find it to be unbelievably soothing/comforting. I want to go inside the image and lay down. This was the only image I took of it and I want to either print this one or scan the box to print out a high quality version to frame. I decided I should look at the image every day if I find it peaceful right? There’s something very Ray Eames about this image in terms of the perfect arrangement of flowers and shells. Alright well, I’m off to send myself some inward facing Care Bear Stares! xoxo