The Pendulum

When I first got sick, physician it totally came out of no where and it was a crazy whirlwind that we had to catch up with and get my health under control. Luckily we were able to do so and the pendulum swung back the other way, the chemo working great and I was feeling good! During that time, I always feared what it would be like if and when the pendulum would swing back towards illness again and how hard or fast. Clearly this is what I am going through right now and it’s just as hard and fast as I always feared it would be. First the brain metastasis and now more complications last night! I started bleeding vaginally again heavily yesterday afternoon so we ended up going to urgent care. Turns out they couldn’t really do anything to stop the bleeding because they couldn’t access inside my vagina where the tumor is (sorry TMI) so they sent me home and it seems like a new plan would be to radiate my vagina/pelvis because there is a sizable mass in there causing pain and now bleeding. We still don’t know what our overall systematic plan is but it seems like if we can get these urgent issues under control we can make more of a plan. Oy vey. I wouldn’t wish any of this on anyone and again I’ll take all the prayers I can get to get the pendulum going back the other way. I know that eating like this is helping because my vital signs (aside from slightly low blood count were good last night):

I’m completely addicted to this kimchi that I’ve been buying at the health food store by this brand Real Pickles from Massachusettes.

So to go back to my Reiki experience, Ellen, the Reiki master came over on Friday to initiate me into the practice and teach me about the 15 self-reiki positions. It was so wonderful to meet her in person and it gave me a sense of confidence in being able to heal myself with this powerful tool! Unfortunately, I was in some pain but we managed to work around that and she even brought me some eggs from the chickens she raises upstate! How amazing! Later that evening I was in a lot of pain and did self-reiki on myself and it really worked! Now I have to get this bleeding to stop. She gave me a few books to read as well. One that is about the Hawaiian woman who popularized reiki in the US and another called Love, Medicine and Miracles that I am eager to read. Check out my official certificate!!!

I’m not sure if I mentioned this molecular cellular supplementation that Ellen suggested I drink because it’s helped her so much along with other people fighting cancer so I’ve started drinking it:

Here’s a link to their site and also to a fun video that shows how it works. I will seriously try anything right now! I love you all so much! Oh yeah, a totally random request if you are up for it! Do you use Spotify? An iTunes playlist could work too! Either way, I’d be happy to receive some upbeat, happy, soulful playlists to lift my spirits and help when I am in a lot of pain and stuff. Thanks in advance! Yesterday we bought a christmas tree and are going to decorate it today!

Steve will be here on Weds (YAYAYAYAY!) and a bunch of my LA friends will be around too! Can’t wait to see everyone. xoxo Lauren

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7 Responses to The Pendulum

  1. Ginger says:

    I’ve been thinking about you so much lately, Lauren. Sending love and light and prayers and healing energy and all of it your way! Please know you are loved and spoken fondly of by many here in New Haven. I miss seeing you and hope we can connect sometime in NY. xxxooo

  2. Peter says:

    Best wishes Lauren for an enjoyable and fun filled Christmas holiday with family and friends.

  3. Stephanie C. says:

    Kermit the frog glass, great food, Reiki, Christmas tree, Steve and friends on the way… pendulum pushers all! Will get to work on that playlist. xoxoS

  4. C says:

    My fav app right now is called Rain, Rain. Lots of different rain sounds I find very soothing and leave it playing all night. Also has a sound that simulates riding on an airplane! Great for getting things done IMO.

  5. Betty says:

    Lauren, as always, the Kirk Clan is thinking about you and sending positive healing energy to you as best we can. Have a Happy Holiday and have fun with Steve. (He really is a great addition to the fam)

    Love,
    Betty

  6. rachel says:

    The Kermit cup really personalizes it as a Lauren meal! hahaha.

    I continue to channel positive energy and think good thoughts for you daily. None of what you are going through is fair at all, and your braveness and positivity are so inspiring. Glad to know you are surrounded by supportive people who love you, awesome food, and hope and good vibes during this challenging time. I can’t wait to visit L.A. again and see more of your favorite spots when you return.

    About to start working on a playlist! xoxo

  7. Leigh says:

    Hello Lauren – Aude’s wicked stepmother here. Sending all kinds of good thoughts your way and hoping you are having a lovely Eve – so nice that Steve arrives tomorrow – part of the plan to tick that pendulum back where it belongs.

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